I rarely express my love for anyone. Physical touch? You need to celebrate it if I initiate holding your hand. In this lifetime, I have hugged my father three times. One was when we found out his novel was picked for MAL Book of the Year 2019, and the other was when I relayed my HSSLC result, and on both occasions I cried my heart out. The third time my father held me close to his heart would probably be the first time he ever saw me. Of course, I don't remember it anymore, but I can still sense it and feel all the love I've received from the people who have stayed by my side throughout this lifetime.
People called me 'Pu Ênga ṭhi(necklace)' during my childhood because I was in his arms almost all the time. He carried me to church, to our relatives' houses, and all the way to the bridge, which I thought was a safe place to take a nap. I really miss that sense of touch these days. I don't know why, but when I held my niece close to me, letting her listen to my heartbeat so as to let her feel safe, I could see that she felt peace. I am longing for this peace that I had lost from the moment my puakpuan was kept in the cardboard and lived through the day just fine.
-Thlengthlengi.ezs
12.06.2023
7:25PM
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